


Maybe it’s a Sign of Weakness When I Don’t Know What to Say

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: When We're Together [6]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-20 01:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2410010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The few times she seemed receptive, he couldn’t find the right words.  He was going to find them tonight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe it’s a Sign of Weakness When I Don’t Know What to Say

**Author's Note:**

> 6/1/2010 The title comes from the Pat Benatar song _We Belong_.

He woke up alone. It wasn’t the first time in the past couple of weeks but this time he wasn’t going to go back to sleep and pretend nothing was wrong. Something was wrong and Dave wanted to get to the bottom of it. He felt her pulling away and didn’t like it. She didn’t want to spend time together; made up excuse after excuse. And when they did finally get together, she didn’t want to talk.

She wanted to fuck and go to sleep. Yes, that’s what she was doing…fucking him. Dave didn’t mind a good romp, a good fuck, but that wasn’t what they had. It was more than that and to take it in that direction now was something he didn’t like one bit. The problem was every time Dave tried to talk about it she shut him down. The few times she seemed receptive, he couldn’t find the right words. He was going to find them tonight.

Pushing the sheet off, Dave got out of bed and walked out of the room. He went straight down the stairs and into the living room. She wasn’t there but that wasn’t surprising; the living room was woefully underused. The dining room was empty and so was the den. That was surprising...that was the family room.

Dave was about to try the kitchen when he noticed light coming from the side deck. The sliding glass door was just off the den and it was slightly open. Something in his stomach made him regret not bringing his gun. Surely he didn’t need it but sometimes his FBI Agent instinct kicked in. He walked over to the door, looked out and saw her.

She was sitting at the table staring out into the rainy summer night. There was a teacup on the table and her cigarette case. If she was smoking, an occasional habit she’d had as long as he knew her, it was serious. A few of the lanterns around the deck were lit. Not enough to alert the neighbors but enough so she wouldn’t be sitting in the dark.

He slid the door open slowly and stepped out. Erin didn’t turn in the direction of the noise but he knew she heard him. If she didn’t want to hear him, she would see him. Dave walked around the table and sat across from her.

“You should be asleep.” She said.

“I woke and you weren't there…again.”

“I'm fine.” She replied.

“I didn’t ask if you were or weren't.”

“So you don’t care?” Erin asked.

“You know that’s not true. You should also know by now I don’t like playing games. If you have a question, ask it.”

“You can do the same you know.”

“How about this, if you want me gone say so Erin. I may have a thick skull, I can admit that, but I know the signs of a relationship going south. That’s something I’ll always recognize.” Dave said.

She didn’t answer him. Reaching back for her cigarette case, Erin lit one and inhaled deeply. Then she glanced at him.

“I wish this rain would cool it off. This heat is unbearable.”

“The house is air-conditioned. You can come inside and cool off.”

“That’s not real, David. It’s frigid and not real.”

Silence reigned again. He just nodded and finally knew what was going on. It wasn’t real and there was nothing he could do to make it so.

“Ted comes home next week.” Erin spoke in a low tone as if someone might overhear. “He’s spent the whole summer away and I've missed him. First he and his father went on a camping trip, then he visited his sister in Barcelona and he wrapped the summer up with his cousins in The Hamptons.”

“That sounds like a great summer for a 17 year old boy.” Dave replied. “I hope he enjoyed every moment of it.”

“He really did. His emails were always so animated and the pictures he sent made me smile. But its time to come back to the real world. Its time for all of us to come back to the real world.”

“What do you mean?”

“David…”

“No,” Rossi shook his head. “You're not getting off that easy. You want me gone, you tell me.”

“I…dammit!”

Erin got up from her chair and started to pace. She couldn’t find the words. She couldn’t find the words because she didn’t want them. But this was ridiculous. She couldn’t be having a love affair when she was trying to raise her son and be an FBI Section Chief. She couldn’t be having a love affair with David Rossi when his loyalties lied elsewhere.

She couldn’t be having a love affair period. Women in their 50s didn’t do that except in the movies. She wasn’t Helen Mirren or Meryl Streep…her prime had come and gone. This was a summer fling. Why couldn’t she just say it aloud? Dave was smart; he had to know it too.

“I want you to leave.” Erin said.

“Tell me to my face.”

“David…”

“Dammit, you tell me to my face, Erin.”

“What the hell do you want from me?” She turned and glared at him.

“The truth, that’s all. I don’t ever recall you having a problem with telling it like it is.”

“You want to know what it is? Do you really want to know? It’s a damn fling; just a fling. Maybe I was lonely and maybe you were…I won't pretend to know what you were feeling. We had some good times, OK; there’s no point in denying it but…” Erin stopped abruptly. She turned away from him again.

Dave sighed. He got out of his chair and went to her. When his arms encircled her, Erin leaned on him. He knew she didn’t want to; Dave could feel her body try and fail to go rigid.

“You're lucky I have a thick skin.” He said, kissing the nape of her neck. “Or that might’ve hurt.”

“David…”

“What? What is it? I want you to tell me the truth.”

“I can't.”

“Yes, you can, always. Just say it, baby.”

“What if the kids think this started before I left their father? What if they think it’s why I left? What if Ted hates you and demand I make a choice? What if the damn BAU is a total conflict of interest and this is the worse idea either one of us has ever had? What if one day I hate you or you hate me? I've been selfish; thinking of my own wants…how you make me feel…this isn’t just about me.”

“Isn't it?” Dave asked.

“Absolutely not.”

“Look at me.” He turned her around in his arms. “You told me a while back that you needed to get back to Erin. Do you remember that?”

She nodded. She couldn’t look him in the eye it was too difficult. Erin closed her eyes and inhaled his scent. No man should smell as good as David Rossi did. It made her want to tear her clothes off, tear his clothes off, and act like a wanton young woman. Damn, that was an amazing feeling to have at her age.

“I know you love your children, your job, and all that you’ve worked to create but that’s not the whole of Erin. Don’t you deserve to have someone to take a walk with or to hold you when you sleep? Don’t you deserve a man who wants to draw you a hot bath or find all the ticklish places on your body and make you giggle?”

“I don’t giggle, David.” Erin replied.

“Sometimes you giggle. I know I can always make you giggle.”

“But it’s more than that.”

“What's more than that?”

“It’s more than sex and ticklish places. I don’t want to get attached and have this implode in our faces. We have a history of things imploding in our faces.”

“We’re not quite the same people anymore. We've learned things, grown, decided that when we want something we’ll fight for it. Nothing worth having is easy.”

“I just…” Erin sighed. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Please.”

“Yeah,” Dave nodded, kissing her forehead. “Just come to bed. Tomorrow is Saturday; we can sleep in and relax. We can go and get the dog, drive out to the cabin, and be surrounded by nothing but beauty. You always think better up there.”

“I'm going to have to think about this on my own.”

“Do you want me to go right now?”

“No.” She held onto him. It was going to be agony letting him go. She felt it was something she had to do. The pain now would be better than the pain later. Erin was strong; she would get through it. “Stay with me.”

“That’s what I'm trying to do.” He whispered, holding her close. “I don’t want to leave you; I kinda like you. I think you kinda like me too. I think it’s silly for two people who enjoy each other’s company to walk away from each other.”

Erin didn't say anything. Dave just stroked her hair. He took the burning cigarette from her hand, putting it out in the ashtray on the table. Her hand in hers, he took her into the house. After locking up, they walked through the dark house in silence. In the bedroom, Dave undressed her, undressed himself, and slid between the sheets. Erin sighed when he held her body close to his.

“I never expected this to happen.” She said.

“Me neither.”

“Really?”

“Oh c'mon, if someone would have taken me aside and said ‘hey Dave, you're gonna rejoin the BAU and start a relationship with Erin Strauss’ I would have laughed aloud.”

“It is a little far-fetched.” Erin conceded.

“That doesn’t change the fact that it’s happening and I feel like I feel.”

She wanted desperately to ask how he felt but didn’t want to hear the words. If it was what she wanted to hear that would be just as frightening as if her thoughts were way off base. How was this happening? When had she lost control?

“How do you feel?” Erin asked, wishing she wouldn’t have said it as soon as she did.

“Sleepy.”

“David!” She poked him hard and he grimaced.

Holding her tight, Dave rolled them on the mattress. His body relaxed on top of hers.

“I think you're amazing. I know there are going to be things that we clash on, we may even fight like cats and dogs sometimes but dammit at the end of the day I want you in my arms. I haven’t felt that way in a long time. I want to keep feeling that way. It’s nice actually.”

“It is nice.” She caressed his face. “Make me a promise?”

“Erin…”

“Make me a promise, David.”

“Alright.”

“Promise me that we’ll walk away before we hurt each other again. We’ll leave it before it gets bitter, nasty, and cold.”

“I promise.” Dave kissed her nose. “We should get some sleep. We’ll drive out to the country for the weekend and then I’ll give you the space you need to deal with things.”

“I truly appreciate that.”

It was what you did when you cared for someone. Dave wasn’t going to let her stay away too long. She didn’t want to walk away, he could feel it. The parameters might change, they might slow down, but that wasn’t the end of the world. David Rossi needed rules…without them he’d have nothing to disregard.

She wasn’t leaving him again, not like this. He wasn’t sure he believed in second chances; knew their current professional positions could make for some tangled webs in the future. That was Strauss and Rossi’s problem. Dave and Erin wanted to spoon in bed, listen to the rain, and think about making love in the morning. Dave and Erin didn’t want the leaves to fall off the trees. Dave and Erin were a little insecure, a little unsure, and possibly a little in love.

***

  



End file.
